I dont wanna get hurt

In everything I see you appear with me, how come? How come?
And everything I do involves you too. We are like one.
In my life there has been so many changes
and I don't want to be left out in the rain

I don't want to get hurt, I've done my time.
All I want from you is to tell the truth.
I don't want to get hurt no more this time.
I don't want to go blind and find it's falling apart all the time

In the middle of a dream you are there for me, your face, your lips.
But there's no way you can tell cos I hide it really well, so well.
In my life there has been loving and lying
and I don't need another reason to cry

I don't want to get hurt...
I don't want to go blind and find I'm falling apart one more time.

Travel Dream

I should be figuring some important life decision now...but instead, my mind got side-tracked and went to a fantasy world.

It has always been my dream to be able to travel around the world and I am still pursuing even though I am having financial crisis, a post effect from my down under adventure.

Base on the mostly saying, generally there are 7 continents which made up the world we have today. They are Asia, Australasia, Africa, Europe, South America, North America & Middle East.

Out of the 7 continents, I have only been to three which made up to 42.8%. Not even reaching the passing score leh....so I need to fly more!

There was this silly thought I have in my mind - let me travel to each of the continent...then I can RIP liao...haha

Let GO

I know very well that I will be a much happier person if I can acquire the skill of 'letting go' to the next level.

Saying it is easy...but doing it is TOUGH!
From time to time, I am injecting 'let go' into my mind...and I would say that the resistance is rather strong still...

Good try....and keep trying....I think I'll be there soon....

Sweet-Bitter-Pain

First it was sweet & happy...
Following was bitter...and it gets more bitter...
Lastly...it was a heart aching pain...
It has been really PAINFUL & BITTER...
I am praying that the outcome will be sweet...

1 day after 100th

On my 101th day, i earned my first $50 aussie dollar - the results from 5 hours of hard labour.
I'm not sure whether they will contact me again for future work, but i believe i have done my best i can...
Tired...i think i almost got a broken wrist :P

100 days mark

Today marked my 1ooth day down under. Yes, it's equivalent to 3 months 8 days.
And it's still counting...

Tried harder...finally

This week, i have tried harder finally....took me a lot of courage but i'm glad i did it...
But...luck is still not with me this round...

What is today's color?

My mood swings a lot recently...

On a blue day - i woke up feeling very depress and almost bought an air ticket back to Malaysia.
On a green day - i woke up feeling positive and hopeful that i will get a job before my deadline and i can see my future in oz land. I am convinced!
On a red day - i woke up not wanting to do anything. Feeling sick of browsing jobs and applying them.
On another purple day - i wouldn't even want to get up from my bed.
And yet on another dunno what color of the day - i feel extremely worried...worried of current day, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.
I have been warned by a friend of mine...watch out the mood swings....its a depression symptom. Am I having depression? Happy go lucky person like me can get depression? I guess not...just moody perhaps....I still get excited when i think of traveling around the world.

Last night, I dreamt that i've killed someone, dunno who and not sure what was the killing motif. I could only recall I was panic, whether to confess my sin or think of ways to hide it. I was in extreme regrets! Before i can think further or decide anything....i dreamt that it was a dream. Dreaming in a dream!

Silence

I've been quiet recently...not Facebook-ing, not MSN-ing, not Skype-ing and some of my close friends have been asking or wondering whether i am still alive down here....

Well, i guess i am in depression mode a little...just feel like isolating myself, i am not even going out..just stay home staring my monitor, watching tv series and of coz -continue to apply for jobs...

Life has been the same and i've been adapting well to boredom. My pride is still there and i have yet to do walk in for jobs. Despite the depressing job hunting, the other side of my mind cant stop thinking of holiday plans! I am more convinced that i am a person who live to travel!

I have asked my cousin to come and visit me soonest possible - 1) before the weather gets warm and 2) before i u-turn (if fate is going to bring me to that). When comes to travel, i think i have bit of luck and she is going to come sometime Nov! Thank God! I finally have something to look forward to! Hope she can get the dates confirmed very soon so i can start some planning!

Though i have set a date to u-turn, but i still hope i can get a job and stay on here...i think i would want to be here...

Deadline set!

It's been decided and I've set the 'U-turn' period to Dec10/Jan11...
I will still continue to what I'm doing daily and try by best...
Will now leave it to fate to decide where I belong to...

God's way or Fruit's way? Will these 2 lead to the same destiny??

Hong Kong

I've been Hong Kong twice but today, I have this extremely strong urge to go Hong Kong.
For unknown reason, I am looking forward for a fish eye view of skyscrapers...bustling busy city life...
And also for obvious reason, I miss the hawker & street food of Hong Kong! And also seafood!
There are many more rural places of Hong Kong which I have yet to visit...
I want to go.....when? Who wanna go with me?.....sob....

Just couldn't let go...

I came to realize today that I'm a person who is such difficult to let go my own pride..
Seriously I tried...but I failed...
I just can't today~~

2 months

Ok, it's my 2 months 'anniversary' down under.
I am still jobless and I have been told to consider studying here.
MBA perhaps? But it's going to cost a lot...coz I havent got my PR-ship.
If money not the issue, then my biggest concern will be whether I am able to hit the books once more...
Doing MBA may or may not help in pursuing PR coz I am still required to work min. 12 months full time for my PR...

I've been asked - What is your goal? What you want out of your life?
Short term goal - I want to make money! Lotsa money coz i am so broke now...
Long term? I am not sure now....whether down under is the place I want to be. I am very sure I am less happy here now but I've also been constantly reminded that this is just transition and the days ahead going to be so much better! Is it? I am not 100% convinced though...

Think Fruit...THINK!

The thought of going back~

I have this huge thinking striking my mind this morning when I first woke up - I want to go back Malaysia.

First thing in the morning, I checked my mail - no single job for me to apply today. The thinking of going back even stronger~

I am missing home...missing family...missing office...missing friends...missing my car...missing local food...missing spending in MYR currency~

Oh dear....

I feel being loved...muacks!

Thanks Shirley for sending me this for my birthday. What a sweet suprise...loving it!

?

Today, I feel disappointing towards almost everything in my life!
The sky seems gray-er...
The weather seems colder...
And I came to realise job hunting is particularly frustrating...
The big question mark is haunting me again~

I've turned 32 this year...

How I wish I am just 23!
Okay...back to reality.
Came to my surprise, I dont have any special feelings on my birthday. I only need to remember that my housemate cooked me Bak Kut Teh which I've been craving for since the first day I'm here! Thanks Mr. Lim :)

Birthday wish remain unchanged since donkey years back but i do have an additional one this year...which is to get a job!

Its OK, tomorrow will be better....

So...I have finally get to attend a proper job interview in a Real Estate company.
I think I did OK in the interview...at least I am able to catch the aussie slang and able to answer all the questions that the interviewer asked.....
The sad part is I am not going to get the job as they are looking for someone more senior with relevant experience...sounds reasonable and also the most boring rejection reason you will get huh?

Anyways, I am not feeling too bad about this.....will take it as a lesson/experience learnt...
Whats for tomorrow? - keep applying job like a robot :P

Month 1...what's the Fruit up to?

The Fruit is officially one month Down Under!

Let's talk about milestones here..
a. I have 2 new housemates, both Malaysian (Sarawak)
b. I know 2 new friends (China & Sarawak) through housemate, they just live opposite the road.
c. Get to catch up with 2 of my long time school mate which we haven't been catching up since like the year of 1998!
d. Jobless still but managed to get 1 job interview...but unfortunately its a pure sales job which is not something i'm looking for.
e. Oh ya....i think i manage to maintain my weight without putting on extra kgs despite i have home cook food everyday!

I hope i can make more progressive milestones on month 2....we'll see~

Hello...where are you??