I dont wanna get hurt

In everything I see you appear with me, how come? How come?
And everything I do involves you too. We are like one.
In my life there has been so many changes
and I don't want to be left out in the rain

I don't want to get hurt, I've done my time.
All I want from you is to tell the truth.
I don't want to get hurt no more this time.
I don't want to go blind and find it's falling apart all the time

In the middle of a dream you are there for me, your face, your lips.
But there's no way you can tell cos I hide it really well, so well.
In my life there has been loving and lying
and I don't need another reason to cry

I don't want to get hurt...
I don't want to go blind and find I'm falling apart one more time.

Travel Dream

I should be figuring some important life decision now...but instead, my mind got side-tracked and went to a fantasy world.

It has always been my dream to be able to travel around the world and I am still pursuing even though I am having financial crisis, a post effect from my down under adventure.

Base on the mostly saying, generally there are 7 continents which made up the world we have today. They are Asia, Australasia, Africa, Europe, South America, North America & Middle East.

Out of the 7 continents, I have only been to three which made up to 42.8%. Not even reaching the passing score leh....so I need to fly more!

There was this silly thought I have in my mind - let me travel to each of the continent...then I can RIP liao...haha

Let GO

I know very well that I will be a much happier person if I can acquire the skill of 'letting go' to the next level.

Saying it is easy...but doing it is TOUGH!
From time to time, I am injecting 'let go' into my mind...and I would say that the resistance is rather strong still...

Good try....and keep trying....I think I'll be there soon....

Sweet-Bitter-Pain

First it was sweet & happy...
Following was bitter...and it gets more bitter...
Lastly...it was a heart aching pain...
It has been really PAINFUL & BITTER...
I am praying that the outcome will be sweet...

1 day after 100th

On my 101th day, i earned my first $50 aussie dollar - the results from 5 hours of hard labour.
I'm not sure whether they will contact me again for future work, but i believe i have done my best i can...
Tired...i think i almost got a broken wrist :P

100 days mark

Today marked my 1ooth day down under. Yes, it's equivalent to 3 months 8 days.
And it's still counting...

Tried harder...finally

This week, i have tried harder finally....took me a lot of courage but i'm glad i did it...
But...luck is still not with me this round...

What is today's color?

My mood swings a lot recently...

On a blue day - i woke up feeling very depress and almost bought an air ticket back to Malaysia.
On a green day - i woke up feeling positive and hopeful that i will get a job before my deadline and i can see my future in oz land. I am convinced!
On a red day - i woke up not wanting to do anything. Feeling sick of browsing jobs and applying them.
On another purple day - i wouldn't even want to get up from my bed.
And yet on another dunno what color of the day - i feel extremely worried...worried of current day, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.
I have been warned by a friend of mine...watch out the mood swings....its a depression symptom. Am I having depression? Happy go lucky person like me can get depression? I guess not...just moody perhaps....I still get excited when i think of traveling around the world.

Last night, I dreamt that i've killed someone, dunno who and not sure what was the killing motif. I could only recall I was panic, whether to confess my sin or think of ways to hide it. I was in extreme regrets! Before i can think further or decide anything....i dreamt that it was a dream. Dreaming in a dream!

Silence

I've been quiet recently...not Facebook-ing, not MSN-ing, not Skype-ing and some of my close friends have been asking or wondering whether i am still alive down here....

Well, i guess i am in depression mode a little...just feel like isolating myself, i am not even going out..just stay home staring my monitor, watching tv series and of coz -continue to apply for jobs...

Life has been the same and i've been adapting well to boredom. My pride is still there and i have yet to do walk in for jobs. Despite the depressing job hunting, the other side of my mind cant stop thinking of holiday plans! I am more convinced that i am a person who live to travel!

I have asked my cousin to come and visit me soonest possible - 1) before the weather gets warm and 2) before i u-turn (if fate is going to bring me to that). When comes to travel, i think i have bit of luck and she is going to come sometime Nov! Thank God! I finally have something to look forward to! Hope she can get the dates confirmed very soon so i can start some planning!

Though i have set a date to u-turn, but i still hope i can get a job and stay on here...i think i would want to be here...

Deadline set!

It's been decided and I've set the 'U-turn' period to Dec10/Jan11...
I will still continue to what I'm doing daily and try by best...
Will now leave it to fate to decide where I belong to...

God's way or Fruit's way? Will these 2 lead to the same destiny??

Hong Kong

I've been Hong Kong twice but today, I have this extremely strong urge to go Hong Kong.
For unknown reason, I am looking forward for a fish eye view of skyscrapers...bustling busy city life...
And also for obvious reason, I miss the hawker & street food of Hong Kong! And also seafood!
There are many more rural places of Hong Kong which I have yet to visit...
I want to go.....when? Who wanna go with me?.....sob....

Just couldn't let go...

I came to realize today that I'm a person who is such difficult to let go my own pride..
Seriously I tried...but I failed...
I just can't today~~

2 months

Ok, it's my 2 months 'anniversary' down under.
I am still jobless and I have been told to consider studying here.
MBA perhaps? But it's going to cost a lot...coz I havent got my PR-ship.
If money not the issue, then my biggest concern will be whether I am able to hit the books once more...
Doing MBA may or may not help in pursuing PR coz I am still required to work min. 12 months full time for my PR...

I've been asked - What is your goal? What you want out of your life?
Short term goal - I want to make money! Lotsa money coz i am so broke now...
Long term? I am not sure now....whether down under is the place I want to be. I am very sure I am less happy here now but I've also been constantly reminded that this is just transition and the days ahead going to be so much better! Is it? I am not 100% convinced though...

Think Fruit...THINK!

The thought of going back~

I have this huge thinking striking my mind this morning when I first woke up - I want to go back Malaysia.

First thing in the morning, I checked my mail - no single job for me to apply today. The thinking of going back even stronger~

I am missing home...missing family...missing office...missing friends...missing my car...missing local food...missing spending in MYR currency~

Oh dear....

I feel being loved...muacks!

Thanks Shirley for sending me this for my birthday. What a sweet suprise...loving it!

?

Today, I feel disappointing towards almost everything in my life!
The sky seems gray-er...
The weather seems colder...
And I came to realise job hunting is particularly frustrating...
The big question mark is haunting me again~

I've turned 32 this year...

How I wish I am just 23!
Okay...back to reality.
Came to my surprise, I dont have any special feelings on my birthday. I only need to remember that my housemate cooked me Bak Kut Teh which I've been craving for since the first day I'm here! Thanks Mr. Lim :)

Birthday wish remain unchanged since donkey years back but i do have an additional one this year...which is to get a job!

Its OK, tomorrow will be better....

So...I have finally get to attend a proper job interview in a Real Estate company.
I think I did OK in the interview...at least I am able to catch the aussie slang and able to answer all the questions that the interviewer asked.....
The sad part is I am not going to get the job as they are looking for someone more senior with relevant experience...sounds reasonable and also the most boring rejection reason you will get huh?

Anyways, I am not feeling too bad about this.....will take it as a lesson/experience learnt...
Whats for tomorrow? - keep applying job like a robot :P

Month 1...what's the Fruit up to?

The Fruit is officially one month Down Under!

Let's talk about milestones here..
a. I have 2 new housemates, both Malaysian (Sarawak)
b. I know 2 new friends (China & Sarawak) through housemate, they just live opposite the road.
c. Get to catch up with 2 of my long time school mate which we haven't been catching up since like the year of 1998!
d. Jobless still but managed to get 1 job interview...but unfortunately its a pure sales job which is not something i'm looking for.
e. Oh ya....i think i manage to maintain my weight without putting on extra kgs despite i have home cook food everyday!

I hope i can make more progressive milestones on month 2....we'll see~

Hello...where are you??

On a regular Down Under day~

This is a very relevant picture...i will probably spend 15 hours a day with my laptop. Certainly i cant live without my compaq friend.

Some has been asking and wondering how i spend my days here...down under...
Well....its not something interesting but could be 'ideal' for some who is currently working 15 hours a day~~

On a regular day, the Fruit will only get off from here green bed about 11am...
First thing in the morning, say hi to compaq friend at checkout if there's someone in MY got time to entertain me a bit via Skype or MSN.
Will usually do lunch at 1pm. Usually is bread and some junks i.e. dark choco, baked biscuits etc..
Throughout the whole afternoon, its job hunting either in door or out door...
By 5pm or 6pm...housemate should be back and start cooking dinner for the rest of us in the house. I will try to help up if can...else, will just observe 'the cook' from near distance...
Dinner should be served at 7pm or 8pm...dinner time is also TVB series time....
Series will probably continue till late....
If sleepy, will be off to bed around midnight...else, i will be doing what i am doing now - writing blog or chatting with MY folks...
After which, its my min. 9 hours beauty sleep time...

Like that la~

I am missing M'sia food!

1. Har Mee
2. Asam Laksa
3. Curry Laksa
4. Bagus Teh
5. Kuih Nyonya
6. Wan Tan Mee
7. Claypot Chicken Rice with Salted Fish!
8. Lotus Root Soup
9. Ikan Bakar
10. Pok Pok Noodle

arghhh......

I see some blue in the sky today

Thanks to Skype, FB, MSN & YM...living in a box seems not the worst thing on Earth. I am not feeling too bad about it now - on day 4.

Out of my own surprise, I've actually walk to a church hoping to meet pastor Ruben; the pastor who gave me a morning call the other day. Luck was not on my side and i didn't manage to meet him during my visit. I didn't check on the church's service time and just made an impromptu visit to the church, found out that its just empty, dark & cold...

However, I was greeted by another quite nice looking pastor though...hahaha....still have a bit of luck huh....and he was really nice & friendly. If I'm not too lazy...i think I'm going to make another visit during their service hour, just to have a hang of it how does it like going to church seeing people singing, interaction, networking and at the same time worshiping.

Oh ya, bank account finally opened...
I've even ask the customer service consultant whether there's any job for me.....hahaha

and...another job application rejection received....will just keep trying le...what to do~~~~~~

a pleasant morning call from a pastor

If I'm lucky, i plan to sleep through the morning so that when i wake up...half a day is gone and i don't need to eat so many meals at the same time.

This morning, i was wake up by a call from a pastor at ~9am. That was really early for me :P
Thanks to Victor for writing a note to Life Church. So the pastor basically just call to check out whether i'm doing ok...whether i need any assistance in particular. It was a nice feeling to know someone you dont know show their care & concern. So...i've promised to drop by the church some time this week and let see if i can meet someone nice and helpful there :)

I only have 2 things to do today. 1) to open a bank account and 2) to drop a letter into the mailbox. How significant my life is huh? Thats all i need to do for the rest of the day! But...even that, i am only manage to complete one of the task. I walked in to a bank expressing my intention to open a bank account and guess what...the service consultant told me that he is rather busy and ask me to come back tomorrow. He doesn't have time for me. So I've made an appointment with him tomorrow to come back. I guess Aussie are just not as hungry as Malaysian...and they are very sure the same customer will walk in again tomorrow...

Other than that, i spent 3 hours walking & wander around the city...weather was cool & windy...quite refreshing!

What's next for tomorrow? Church?....

An interesting conversation on Day 2

My dad gave me 3 interesting options or rather plans...

1. If things work well and I'm lucky enough to get a job quick and settle down. I will get my PR as planned. And i will likely spend the rest of my life in Oz land...this is ideal scenario..

2. If things didnt work to well....go and take up a course or MBA. At least i will go back not empty handed. Of coz in this scenario, PR is out of the question...

3. A message from my mum - go and find a man in Oz, come back with a man...

Of all, i think option 3 is the toughest of all...hahaha. Isn't my parents cool? :P

Btw...am down due to sore throat and fever....bear was saying, at Tibet & M'sia, you were strong like a cow....how come now so weak? I guess the answer is that i've been missing my family & friends dearly....and also, i have no fresh air here in my room!

Day 1 OZventure

I'm blessed to be greeted by an extremely friendly and helpful couple (Pam & Tony) at the airport. Pam & Tony
- gave me all the information i've require in order to ease and speed up my settle down progress
- carry my over 40kgs baggage (they are both above 60 yrs old)
- drive all the way from Victor Harbour (90km from airport) as early as 3am just to pick up a girl from foreign country that they have no idea who she is

I'm a free thinker but i would like to thank God for to have taken care of me on this day - 6th Aug 2010!

I've spent the first day to check out my future 'permanent' accommodation. It was neat and cozy...room is rather small but that is none issue for me. Further that, checked in to my temporary accommodation at Adelaide Internation House (a hostel located at Adelaide CBD). The room is in a decent size. Basic & clean but unfortunately without a window for me to get a taste of fresh air. I feel that i'm in a prison cell....sob~

When wandering around Chinatown area. Adelaide Chinatown looks the same to me, it doesn't change much since my last visit on Sept'2009.

Remaining of the day, i spent it on bed...was dead tired as i didnt manage to get a good nap on board. And my head was overloaded with information too....

I think i'm going to spend the 2nd day resting too..maybe will explore the other side of the city...

It's only first day...and i've started to miss my family & friends dearly....
Today is a long day...the day after tomorrow will be even longer....
Hang it on there, Fruit!

Given choices...

I wouldn't want to choose; simply becoz..
I am not a good decision maker...i suck
I tend to make impulsive wrong move...
I scared...

3 weeks from today

I will be flying on a one way ticket to a piece of big land down under...
I have yet to pack anything into my luggage case...
My friends have been asking me....how do you feel? Do you feel excited?
My reply has been always consistent - no feel yet...

Today....i still feel nothing...

Farewell OCBC

25 months tenure... I had a great time there...
I've learnt a lot...
I feel that i've progress quite abit...
Its the place where i've worked the hardest...
Its also the place where i've met the most wonderful colleagues, friends & comrades...
I will miss the place, miss the people, miss the battles i had there...

Farewell OCBC Bank!

The day from tomorrow onwards

Monday - Friday working day alarm set in my mobile is now off-ed...
There's no way i can predict when i will be able to get back to an OFFICE...
Me jobless tomorrow (1/7/2010)onwards....

I am thankful today (29/6/2010)

Today
I'm hearted...
I feel thankful...very thankful indeed
I feel touched...
I feel grateful...
I've told myself that i must be strong and not to dissapoint any person who is care for me, have faith towards me...
and...i would like say this out whole heartedly..

Thank You!

You know who you are...

I will be good...i promise...

Cycle no more...

20 June 2010 marks the end of my cycling epic since end 2008...

Throughout this 1.5 years of cycling journey:-

~ i have bought 2 bikes; MTB & Roadie
~ i have cycled from KL to S'pore twice; with both MTB & Roadie
~ without contributing carbon monoxide to the atmosphere, i've landed my foot at Gothong Jaya, Cameron Highlands, Fraser Hill and other places in Klang Valley which i have never been before...

~ i have travelled 3,000+km with my 2 wheels

~ i have made plentiful new friends who is bothered to cheer me, support me, help me and give me the unlimited patience which i have long forgotten the taste of it...

Life goes on....I have now put a 'full stop' on my cycling passion as i will soon embark into a whole new adventure...at the mighty down under land...

Yes, i do feel sad for now...i hope my fellow comrades will continue to be passionate towards cycling and more importantly - is to spread and share the passion...

Riding with captain DC - 'If your mind is willing, your body will follow'

Fruit will miss cycling...
Fruit will miss RFCs...
Fruit will make a come back!

Fr left: YongVH, Cikhoo, Adam, JA, Latuk Helmi, Aaron NYC, Fleming the Ghost Rider & Steven MacGyver

Tibet - I would think its the bridge to heaven...

Tibet a.k.a Roof of The World. How much you know about the place? Its a piece of mysterious land...and i've told myself i need to go and have a look with my own panda eyes...

People around me start asking me:- 1) Why Tibet? ; 2) Of all places, why you choose to go Tibet? ; 3) Food there suck, weather is harsh... ; 4) You sure gonna lose weight when you back...& bla bla bla...

I dont have an exact answer to all above...but just followed my heart...

2010, May 19th...I've landed my foot at Tibet. Spent 12 days in Tibet but yet i still feel that there's still a lot to be explored! and i'm as if know nothing about that piece of vast land up there...

I'm glad that i have no porblem with the high altitude and body managed to acclimatize well. Deep in my heart, i think Bolt's APO pills worked.

I'm afraid will need to let pictures tell the story....as its been a month ago and my memory now is pieces due to old age...and now i feel regreted for being lazy and not writing journal when i was there...to pen down those moments that worth remembering.

I promise i will do that next time!!

Money Tree Die-ed

I have never needed this so much...

My down under adventure is going to cost my whole life savings...

Tax man is not helping, chose to be efficient at this time..

I still feel bad becoz of needed to spend 1.6k to keeps my camera running..

It seems that my Acer friend is going to fail me anytime...
I need to change my wardrobe....my pants & shirts seems have shrunk...

I dunno what else coming...

Arghh.....

The fact of ASTROless!

I still can't accept it!

When i walk out seeing my neighbours' astro connection

When i driving pass mamak and see ppl wathing astro

When i switch on my tv....i only have 3 channels which my building centralised antenna can received...

When i am watching the lousy programme showed....i see snow flakes, the reception is bad!

I still can't accept it! Damn it!

My tv going to hybernate~~ damn it!

I think luck is at Atlantic Ocean..or I'm just a poor fella

Luck is not on my side recently...

1. I'm left with no choice but to terminate my Astro subscription earlier than planned. Why? Simply becoz I'm just a poor fella staying in a cheapo apartment which doesn't provide centralise connection and we will need to install our individual satelite dish. And...also because the poor or rather no guidelines was given earlier; i was then informed by the management office that i need to 'move' my satelite dish. Heck, can you imagine you need to pull the cables from 15th floor up to 30th floor roof top? Considering my days are counted here, its just not worth it. And soon...for a person who doesn't read paper, doesn't listen to radio, doesn't read news - this person will be out of touch with the WORLD. And there borns another fruit flavoured FROG under the tempurung!
2. Again, I'm left with no choice but to get a new lense for my camera. Why? well, some ppl got big bonus, unexpedtedly good bonus...not only upgrading car but also DSLR. Hence i'm required to return the lense i'm on loan all this while. Why using a borrowed lense all this while? Same answer - I'm a poor fella...well explained.
3. Again & again...my 5 years old laptop die-ed on me last night. My initial plan was to get a new lappie before i'm heading to Oze, but i was also hoping that my 5 years old 'friend' may be able to sustain me for another year or two...so there scrap the plan. Looking at current situation, looks like i'm left with no choice again. I dont know a single soul in Oz....and this laptop will be my only 'companion' there....its a die die must buy situation.

I'm been asking myself, why now? why this time? why can't my account balance has just one (1) more ZERO?

sob sob................................

Mixed feelings~

Hi people! If you've been wondering whether the Fruit is still alive? Yes, she is and doing good! :)

On April Fool day, the Fruit played a fool - tendered her resignation.
Why? This is to make way to an exciting yet mind boggling Down Under Adventure.

When? Soon...4 months from today!

Realised that you'll have a heavy heart if you're flying on a one way ticket....
Cross road, mixed feelings...

Dunno what to expect and how to start...
Mean time - zzZzzzzzz first